I Have A Dream

I normally wake up remember my dreams. Rarely as vivid as yesterday's. I actually dreamt that I was giving a speech during a dinner - those sit-down dinner. And I clearly remember my speech.

I talked about how to be a better person, and I raised 4 points:
1. We must be forgiving. There's an old Chinese saying: "be strict on yourself, but be generous toward others".
2. We must be responsible.
3. We must be empathy. Confucious said that (and I am attempting to translate because in my dream, I spoke in Mandarin) for every 3 persons, there would be 1 who can be our "teacher".
4. We must have love.
And I tend to think that these are the 4 principles (I thought it should be the "rules of three") that I live by.

I believe that we have to be forgiving because everyone has a story to tell. For every mistake that one makes, for every act that one does, I tend to believe that there's a reason behind it. I don't honk at drivers who make last minute turn because I think maybe they are unfamiliar with the directions; I don't criticise people who speak with an accent because I once spoke with one... I think we need to be more generous and accommodate difference. Maybe then we would be happier.

I also believe that everyone can be my teacher. The worst boss ever can be my "teacher" because he/she teaches me how NOT to become one such boss; the person who screams at me teaches me the real meaning of being gracious... And if I put myself in another person's shoes, I think I can be even more forgiving.

The funny thing is that, in my dream, several faces where clearly seen. And these were the people I really want to address to in real life, had it been possible.

(I pray for peace throughout the world and the happiness of all humanity.)

World No. 1 Airport

I had booked an SQ air ticket online for my mother who was going back to Penang for a funeral. As it was a last minute booking, I had to collect my ticket from the airport itself. In the SQ website, it was listed that the Excess Baggage Claim Row 1 (Departure Hall) was the place I could go to.

So I went to T2 during lunch time, 2.5 hours before the departure time, together with my 66-year-old mother, we walked to Row 1. Both Row 1 and 2 were closed because the lights were off. There was one staff sitting behind the counter facing the main gate. I approached the staff, thinking that I could ask for an alternative counter where I could get my ticket.

The female staff who was in her uniform was having her lunch. I asked her: "Excuse me, could you please help me..." Without waiting for me to complete my request, she looked up, without a hint of smile, and said: "You can't see I'm eating, ah?"

You can imagine how shocked I was! As a customer, I was "reprimanded" for interrupting her lunch! I didn't ask for her name because I was in a rush and I didn't want to affect my poor mother who was already in distraught over her sister's death. So I walked away and went to the Excess Baggage counter at Row 3 and get my things settled.

I can't help but thinking what breed this type of behaviour. Was it because she had a "bo-chap" attitude? Was it because she's not paid well? What???

I always believe that it's important to like your job. Even if you don't like your job and that's no way you could get out of it (like in SIP), the least you should do is to respect your job, respect your profession. There's an old Chinese saying... "respect your job and love your job". I don't think I can respect this Airport staff because she did not show respect to her job, hence herself.

I complained to the Changi Airport authority. No I didn't ask for her name...

Spring

I had meant to write this entry for a long time, but didn’t get to because of marks processing (yes you will get your grades next week).

Anyway, I hope it’s not too late to talk about my Chinese New Year…

So it’s officially over. Chinese New Year is a big affair for both my family and my in-laws’. Things started at least one week before – my mom would buy all the dried food, vegetables, seafood, etc etc for the reunion dinner. My in-laws’ even more elaborate – this year, 4 of us the daughters-in-law, spent at least 5 hours in the kitchen to prepare for the grand dinner for a family of about 40. The amount of food involved was phenomenal.

I like the idea of everyone came home for dinner (not everyday, though – that would be too much for me to handle, considering how “private” I am as a person). I think it represents the warmth and close ties among the family members, especially when it involves 4 generations.

But somehow the atmosphere changes every year.

Family members are coming in later, and spending less time. And I suppose that’s inevitable. As the 3rd generations are growing up, they would spend less time at home – those who are married would need to split their time between their in-laws and here; those who are in their teens and 20s are spending more time with their friends.

Charles Cooley called primary groups the “springs of life”. When we were young, our primary groups could be our family because we spent most of our time at home. As we expand our horizon and our network, we get to know more people through our secondary groups. Eventually we shift focus, breaking down secondary groups to more primary groups. And these are the people who serve as a buffer between us and the demands that our daily lives place on us.

So it is no wonder that the nieces and nephews are spending less time, especially during Chinese New Year (spring time) because they found their “spring” elsewhere.

Happy Lunar New Year

I don’t really like the Chinese New Year itself – I like the preparation leading up to CNY.

I started spring-cleaning in January. OK I confess – I hired part time maid to do the more difficult things like cleaning the windows and the grilles, the lights, etc. But I started throwing out stuff then – it’s like a “bidding farewell” kind of gesture that I need to do at least once a year (Symbolic #1). I donated / recycled old clothes, old magazines, old everything.

Then two weeks ago, after our new sofa was delivered (the old one was “dismantled” by Bingo our dog), I put up CNY decorations, those red stuff for good luck (Symbolic #2). Last week, we bought Mandarin oranges, and pussy willows. I also bought some of the things I need to prepare a family dinner we will be hosting on the 3rd day of CNY – prawns (in Cantonese the name prawn sounds like “laughing” – Symbolic #3), sea cucumber (sounds like “rising” – Symbolic #4), fish maw, etc etc etc.

Yesterday I changed bedsheet. And you will see me doing laundry after we come back from reunion dinner at parents’ place because I believe that you shouldn’t leave dirty laundry over night / over the year – carrying bad luck over to the new year (Symbolic #5).

Then of course we have to prepare Hong Baos – that’s for the younger generations so that they do well in the next year (Symbolic #6).

It’s tiring, but I enjoy it. I love the idea of having a sparkling clean house with new and freshly smelled bedsheet and red decorations to usher in a new year. (Symbolic #7)

Oh did I mention that Chinese New Year is a highly symbolic occasion?

Happy Lunar New Year.

Decisions, decisions...

JAE has always been a difficult period: difficult for us as lecturers (because must do course advising), difficult for students (for the undesired results and for not knowing which course to choose), and certainly difficult for parents.

Students who are very sure of what they want to do, but can’t decide between two institutions.
Students who are not sure what they want to do, so they “shop” for courses.
Students who not eligible.
Students who are too eligible.

And of course parents, and parents, and parents.

Decision-making has never been easy. Especially when it comes to a decision that would eventually affect your future (or at least 3 full years of your life).

I seldom make quick decision – not even when I go shopping. I would look at a piece of blouse, think about whether the colour suits me, fits into my wardrobe, needs ironing, needs to be hand-washed, affordable, then whether I REALLY like it or not. But that’s another story.

We often make our decisions based on two factors: informational influence and normative influences. I don’t know how many students, at this age, would really find out as much information as possible – I mean, what else can you ask other than the course structure, what you are going to study…? A lot of things, you need to experience it. Many a times, however, students make their decisions based on normative influence – I want to be with my friends, and I want to be in this “seems to be quite glamorous” course.

I have to admit that my choices were never really informed. I mean, I tried to find out about a company before I took on the offer, or tried to read up as much as I could on the course. But the reality is that we often take a risk because we will never be able to foresee certain things in life (only if I could. Sigh).

Life is always full of uncertainty. And we have to live it.

Open House

Looking at the students who came by during our Open House last week, I can’t help but think about how society has changed.

During my time (yes yes I know it’s eons ago), information on further studies was not readily available – that is to say the least. My hometown was a good 10 hours bus ride from Kuala Lumpur (no North-South highway yet), where you could get information, and get things done – I had to go to KL to apply for a student visa to the USA. I had to write (on paper, using envelop and stamp, via snail mail) to a particular further studies agency in KL to request for information.

When I told my secondary school teacher I wanted to study psychology, he looked at me in disbelief, and said: “That’s medical, you know?” (Like I was not going to make it there.) Turned out that he was wrong – as we all know now, psychology is not the same as psychiatry.

So I went on without knowing exactly what I wanted to study. Luckily, in the US system, students were allowed to declare their major after their first year because you were supposed to do a one-year “general education” – where you take subjects from across the board, so that you would know where your interest lies.

That’s when I could really find out about a subject that I really interested in – psychology. It was a path less traveled – at that time. I had a difficult time convincing The Mom that my choice was the right one. I did my research, found out about the job prospect (well, mainly social services, which I think very few parents would be supportive), and wrote to her to assure her that I would get a job after I graduate.

What I am trying to say is that, sometimes we conform to the norm (like doing a what seems to be “cool” and “popular” course) could be due to the fact that we don’t know ourselves well. Today, students are overwhelmed by the information presented to them. Schools are going all out to attract students to join their courses. But that doesn’t mean that students would be making the right choice just because they are informed.

To be fair, The Mom never insisted that I had to do a certain course. All she wanted was for me to be a teacher – which, eventually I become a lecturer so she was quite pleased when I decided to teach after 10 years of working in the PR industry (something she never heard of and thought of).

My point is, we all need to find our passion. It doesn’t really matter whether you conform to what’s the hottest choice. And when you search your soul and decide the path for you, go all out to do the best for that choice. Again, it all boils down to being self-aware. And then you will never regret.

I never.

Happy New Year

I didn’t wish to start my new year this way – with disappointment, and with someone ran into the back of my car in the middle of PIE.

Yes yes. We’ve heard of EQ and AQ. We’ve heard from motivational gurus on how we should turn obstacles into opportunities. We’ve heard how we should be resilient, persevere, blah blah blah.

But sometimes it’s not so easy. Especially when it comes to something that you have totally no control over. I guess the “easiest” (if there’s an easy way at all) way to deal with disappointment is to get on with life immediately.

It is never easy to find that internal strength. It is never easy to find that motivation to get on with life again, to fight again, to hope yet again.

But I think sometimes we don’t have a choice.

I dare not let myself sank too deep into self-pity for I fear that I will never get up again. And so the new year starts.