The Road to Recovery / Discovery

This is a bizarre period of time. Recuperation. Wet weather. Festive season. Year end. The combination brings one to a deeper level of thoughts.

It is during this period of time that I discovery a lot more about myself, about living harmoniously with The Mom, and about what lies ahead.

My greatest fear.
My greatest disappointment.
My greatest hope.

I don't make new year resolutions. A respected elder once told me: "we have to create history everyday." Not earth-shattering history, but little milestons in our daily lives that would make us a better person.

I encourage myself everyday. I tell myself I need to have faith everyday. I tell myself life has to go on no matter what everyday. And that doesn't change even it's a brand new year coming ahead.

Self-reflection is a powerful thing. It brings out the best and the worst in you. It lets you look at yourself not just at the mirror but through the mirron until the bottom of your heart.

I too have doubts. I have a lot of questions about life that are unanswered. As a new year approaches, I just need to climb a mountain everyday - a mountain called Self, until I reach the green pasture on the other side.

Happy new year.

Must be sincere, lah

I woke up from GA, feeling nauseaus and the pain. The nurse, in her cheerful voice, asked me: "Pain? With a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 the most painful, how would you rate your pain?" Still feeling giddy, I thought "huh? You want me to rate my pain, like now?" Anyway, I whispered a "7". (In retrospec, I think that was retribution: I grilled my students too hard on the Likert-Summated rating scale). So she consulted the doctor, gave me a jab, all the while very cheerful and empathetic.

My doctor too was very empathetic. Sometimes I wonder for a man, it's amazing that he spoke of these women problems as if he had experienced it before. And of course, he was also cheerful and always encouraging, with abundance sincerity.

My family doctor was another one. He is probably the only one who could listen to The Mom's ranting patiently. After all those, still smiling and said: "Don't worry aunty, you take this medicine first then we see again in two weeks' time, ok?"

I tend to think that it's all in the attitude. How you view your job, how you view yourself, these attitudes all show in your behaviour. I like to believe in the psychologists that attitude influences behaviour and vice versa. But personally, I think a good attitude is the most important thing one must possess. I think one may not like what one does all the time, but the fact that one has been given the job, no matter how one hates it, one has to have the right attitude so that something good can be achieved at the end of the day.

It is especially important in jobs that deal with people.

But must be sincere, lah.

So eventhough I felt the pain, I thought, hmm, ok lah. At least one nurse told Mr Goh: "You should try it yourself. Painful, you know."

Father

I was at my gynae’s office yesterday. While waiting, a Caucasian husband came out from the doctor’s office together with his son, about 2 years old, while his wife was being attended to. Then he sat down, and started talking to his son, who was learning to talk. After a while, he started reading a story to him, quietly, in his low but caring voice. His son stopped making noise.

I thought that was very sweet of him.

Meanwhile, the Centre for Fathering in Singapore launched a “Back to school with Dad” campaign recently, encouraging fathers to take their children to school, and hopefully at the same time could spend some quality time with the children – to be specific, take their kids to the schools when the schools reopen in 2007.

From a woman’s perspective, I am glad that men are getting more involved in the development of their children. I also know that while there are a lot of men out there willing to do more at home, the main responsibilities still go back to the women.

We are just such a patriarchy society. It is a “value” we subscribe as a society, and I don’t think we will ever change that around. Not that I am promoting feminism. I belong to the “older generation” – I believe that there are certain things women are just better in doing them. So we should tap into each gender’s strengths – do what you are good at.

Nevertheless, father is indeed an important figure in a child’s growing year.

Growing up in a single-parent family, I can tell you that I miss my Dad a lot. Not that Mom didn’t do a good job – it was difficult at that time for a widow to raise three children and trying to provide for them the best she could give.

Some how, I still wished that my Dad had been around to tell me some stories. Or that he had been around to fetch me to school, teach me how to defend myself…

I wish all the Dads know what a difference it makes in their children’s lives.

We Want Urban Life!

My hairstylist recently resigned and opened his own salon with several friends. He is a Malaysian, came to Singapore many years ago, and finally saved enough of both money and courage to strike out on his own.

I went to his salon at Lucky Plaza yesterday. It was a Sunday, and as you would probably guess, foreign workers filled the area.

My brother’s maid, recently hired, came from a village in Philippine. She cried one day during dinner, because she gets to eat meat / fish / prawn everyday here – something her family gets to eat only during festive seasons – and she wished her kids could be here with her to enjoy the meals.

I was not even thinking about going back to my hometown to look for a job after I graduated from university. My first destination was Singapore.

We are all urban dwellers. We came here to look for jobs and opportunities. Had we stayed in our hometown, we probably can still tell ourselves: “we have a comfortable life, not so stress, not so busy, no need for so much money.” But we are very materialistic. We want a more advanced environment. We want to make use of technology to make our life more convenient…

The things in the city are just too seductive. Shopping malls. Latest fashion. Fastest computers. Variety of food – and fine food for that matter. Entertainment. Music performances. Exhibitions…

There are just too many things to pull us here. And when we look back to our hometown, we thought – what a memory.

We are all very shallow people. And I am no difference from the many foreign workers here.